My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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