Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
