fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
