here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
