You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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