I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
