Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
