my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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