you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
