I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
