youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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