I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
