I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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