My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
