Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
