i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
sarcasm needs its own font
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Randomize
