I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Banned from zoo.
Again?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
