I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
