I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
