Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Randomize
