If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
