i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
