I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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