The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
