i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
