i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
last night I used snow as a chaser
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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