when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
