I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
