From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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