I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
