Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
