When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
