You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
