Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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