is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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