If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
