i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
