Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
