i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Randomize
