I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
