I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
