New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
