It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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