Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Shame is for Republicans.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
