I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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