Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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