There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
