I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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