i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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