can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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