Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
